Theme #13: Lover’s Reunion (Persona 4 Fanfiction)
Here’s the first one. I’ve got four others “done” so far but I need to type them >.< This is “complete” in that it has all the elements I want to include, but it’s pretty unpolished and if I could, I would like to include a bit about every social link.
Formatting… is a thing. You can read what I wrote after the “more” tag, and everything after that contains spoilers for the entry because… I want I to use like, lj-cuts but I don’t know how to do that in word press >.<
Summary: Narukami Yu is a quiet young woman that most people can’t help but stay away from. It’s frustrating that Inaba is so different, but the real problem is of course the murders, and why she feels like they’re her fault. And the dreams. Who can forget the dreams? (AN: This summary is what I want the fic to be like and isn’t very much like the actual fic -_-)
Sometimes when she dreams, Yu finds herself in a world surrounded by pounding rain that feels like the most painful of tears.
When she remembers to, she’ll yell, “You brought this on yourself!” without understanding why.
The rain will pause and leave behind a heavy fog laden with guilt as if to say: I know and I am so sorry.
On those days, Yu wakes angry and her classmates instinctively give her a wide berth as if they saw the lightning and now worry about her thunder.
Time passes, and she dreams of rain often, until one night, not long before she leaves for Inaba, there is a different dream.
The fog is still there, but it seems more smothering than anything. A voice, a man’s voice that echoes in her very soul repeats over and over, “You are so very beautiful.”
Yu knows that she is pretty enough with her long hair somewhere between silver and gray, perfect posture, and soft features, but his words only anger her.
“You liar, you wretched wretched liar,” she hisses. “How dare you say that to me? You cannot mean a thing you say. Why are you doing this?”
Silence.
“I will make you beautiful, and then I will not be lying,” the voice finally says. “Soon you will be the most beautiful and this shell will serve no purpose. I am so very sorry and I will fix everything.”
Yu wants to say that there is nothing to fix and if he wants to make amends he should just end his life, but the rain starts again and no matter how she yells, even she cannot hear her voice.
That dream terrified Yu, she considers it often and worries about what it could mean. There was a chill in her bones when he swore to fix things. A promise that would be fulfilled no matter what. Determination like that is something Yu cannot understand.
Yu understands bitterness, and a desire for vengeance. She is a vindictive woman prone to a quick and cutting rage, but there are other moments too when people see her filled with grace and delicacy. This dichotomy leaves people in awe of her, but always somewhat wary of which form she will expose to the public.
After the dream, Yu is more subdued. She stays somewhere in between her two faces, somewhat gentle, but with a hard edge that warns people from pushing her too far.
When her uncle and cousin meet her, neither knows what to make of her. Dojima considers her proof that his sister was not any better suited for motherhood than him. Nanako becomes convinced that Yu is the mother she never remembers.
Yu wasn’t sure how she felt about Nanako’s adoration at first, but having pure love is… nice. Even when she snaps at the little girl for washing the dishes ineffectively or showing off too much from her quiz show knowledge, Nanako just basks in the attention.
This worries Yu.
All of Inaba worries Yu actually.
Yu has lived in many places and no matter where she lived, people kept their distance. Even when Yu tried to be nice or emulate popular personalities, her peers would sense the rage that lay inside and stay away.
In Inaba though, people seek her out. A long nosed man tells her that this is her April Season and people cannot help but please her during this year, but that it will have a terrible price and she must do what she can to make genuine bonds that will last when the rain ends.
Several boys at her school confess a desire to pursue a romantic relationship and she turns them all down. The only person she gives an explanation to is Yosuke.
When Yu learns that people die when the rain ends, a chill runs down her spine and the stray thought, This is my fault, goes through her before quickly being thrown aside to try to futilely convince Yosuke that she is not worthy of being his partner.
She doesn’t succeed and she wonders if this is her April Season or if Yosuke is so desperate for companionship that he’ll take anyone.
Eventually, Yu will decide that it is both, but that it doesn’t matter. Yosuke is a precious friend and she is proud to be his best friend. If when she calls him partner and he beams she feels like she is cheating on a something, Yu shrugs it off and forces a smile that leaves him so happy she feels bad about feeling bad.
Most of the relationships within the Investigation Team feel like a small betrayal. Deep inside, Yu has not forgotten that man’s promise and she suspects that this whole misadventure is his bizarre attempt to make amends.
Yosuke is different. She does not understand how someone can cause her so much happiness and pain. She wishes he did not mean so much to her. When he predictably asks her out, Yu cannot help but tell him the truth: that somewhere inside of her there is something that keeps her from loving anyone romantically. She loves Yosuke but she cannot love Yosuke. It is proof that he deserves her love that he never tells anyone. Even when Rise offers him all of her CD’s first press and autographed, his lips stay sealed and Yu can only love him more for it.
This is okay. Yu can love Yosuke. As long as the love stays within a certain boundary, they are both safe. Yosuke knows this; that if he pushes he could lose her forever, and she is glad he leaves them at status quo.
Namatame wasn’t the murderer, but Yu wishes he were. Infidelity is a horrible crime and he deserves to be punished. He made a vow to love his wife no matter what and he didn’t keep it. He may not have killed anyone, but she will never forgive him for Hiiragi-san’s sake.
Adachi being a liar is a bit of a relief. From the beginning, his smiles seem fake and placating. He pretends that he doesn’t mind being bullied by the other detectives. He pretends to be happy all the time. He pretends to be pathetic. When Yu looks at him, she is filled with so much rage that he’s surprised Izanami doesn’t strike him dead. Izanami loathes Adachi. Even when she’s not being carried in Yu’s mind, she feels her hatred just from being near him.
During the fight when Magatsu-Izanagi shows himself, Yu remembers the lesson when she visited Gekkoukan High School and it makes sense. If Yu were Izanami she could never forgive Izanagi for his betrayal. A person who cannot keep his word does not deserve to be loved by others. Adachi’s persona reflects his untrustworthiness so Yu hates him. Adachi’s persona is Izanagi, so Izanami hates him. It makes perfect sense.
Despite being her first persona, Yu does not consider herself Izanami. Yosuke asks her about it because Izanami does not like Susano-oh for obvious reasons and he worries that one day she’ll connect with her persona and then their relationship will end.
Yu explains that this will not happen because she has too many personas. Every one of her personas represents a piece of her and only when they are all combined do you see Narukami Yu. Take a single persona, and you miss the whole picture. A part of her might resent Yosuke, but most of her does not and she is free to cherish Yosuke.
This is not completely true, but it is a necessary lie and while she knows Yosuke sees through it, he needs to hear it anyway. Yu may not be free to do so, but she truly does cherish him.
And then the year ends. Most of the people in Inaba do not care that she will soon no longer be a part of their tiny world and Yu nods with the understanding that her April Season has finally ended.
A whim has her visit the man who first showed unnecessary interest in her back at the gas station before she meets her teammates at the station.
He looks her directly in the eye and asks, “Why?”
Yu trembles and just like in her dreams speaks without meaning to. “You did it first.”
And she knows that this is it. This is the moment when the truth will be revealed and her nightmare will become reality. That these deaths are her fault and no matter how many people she saved or how many bonds she created, those two deaths are on her head. Those hospitalized moments for Dojima and Nanako are her fault. That she will be forced to carry more guilt than she ever wanted to for the rest of her life.
She doesn’t even know how long it takes before she pulls herself together enough to call the Investigation Team. She calls Yosuke first because he will understand. If her voice is still shaking, he won’t say anything.
“Yosuke?”
“Yes, Partner?”
“It’s not over.”
Silence.
“…fuck.”
Relief. Thank goodness Yosuke understands. Thank goodness Yosuke always understands. He keeps talking.
“Do you want me to call everyone?”
“I need to do it.”
He hums.
“Okay. I’ll be at Junes ASAP and will try to chase away anyone in the TV area. You know where to go?”
“Yes.” Probably.
“Heh, fair enough. I’m sure it’ll come to you once we’re close. See you soon.”
Yu really loves Yosuke.
With Yosuke’s support to hold onto, Yu calls the rest of the team. Some are annoyed that they have to leave before they’re ready, Rise and Yukiko, while others are eager to truly finish things, Kanji and Naoto, and others have no feeling one way or the other, Chie and Teddie.
They all step into the TV World and the very air feels different. The others are instantly wary while Yu remains resigned.
“This way,” she tells them.
The party pretends that her eyes aren’t closed as she walked blindly into fog, but no one feels surprised when she opens them and glares at the fog with a lightning fierce gaze that reveals a hidden dungeon.
Chie idly mentions that if they have to move through this whole thing Yu will miss her train.
Yu opens her mouth to explain that time means nothing in this place at this moment, but decides to save her words and shrugs.
Naoto replies that a train is irrelevant compared to preventing another Adachi and Yukiko absentmindedly apologizes on Chie’s behalf.
They trudge to the top and there he is: Izanagi, the man who ruined all other men for her.
He tells the others to leave her, that if they leave now, he will spare them because the only one who matters is Yu.
Yosuke immediately moves in front of Yu to protect her and Izanagi takes him out first.
Yu had no idea that Izanagi even could be jealous, much less of his son.
The others quickly fall after him. The Investigation Team cares about Yu, but none of them have a bond as strong as Yosuke’s and Yu feels that their hearts aren’t so much in protecting her as stopping Izanagi.
When it is just the two of them, and he stares at her with false love in his eyes, she can deny it no longer.
“Why did you send me that dream?”
“I cry because I regret.”
“No.” Yu is firm.
“Why else would I cry?”
“I know why you cry. I want to know why this,” she gestures to the whole world they’re in. “Why this is even here.”
“Forgive me. Come back to me. Throw away your human skin and we can be together again.”
Yu sighs. “That will not happen. I am not just Izanami anymore. I am Izanami, and Cybele, and Titania, and there are more parts of me than you can understand. I am so many things in one and I am not yours.”
Izanagi roars with rage and turns into Okami-no-Izanagi. “You will come with me.”
Yu focuses on the love she has for her friends and the wall that keeps them away from her and tears it apart. Even though she doesn’t want to, she summons Okami-no-Izanagi, and the skeleton wears a kimono woven from threads of her bonds.
When he sees how she wears her bones proudly he sighs. “You are so happy this way? Once your rage was so strong you swore to kill thousands a day.”
Okami-no-Izanami’s eyeless sockets stare right through him and Yu replies, “And you swore to give birth to even more to stop me. Where is your resolve?”
“I love you.”
“But you don’t. You want to fix me, but there is nothing wrong with me. I am dead in the realm of the gods and instead live in human forms. What you want is a me that does not exist. You have been blinded by nostalgia and you need to let go.”
The threads in her gown glow so bright Yu has to close her eyes.
When the light fades, Okami-no-Izanagi is gone and the fog begins to fade.
Just like before, he speaks without speaking, I’m sorry you cannot love him properly.
There is no need to state who “him” refers to and it is an apology Yu can accept, even if Izanagi’s actions say otherwise.
Let me at least do this for you.
As the fog fades, the Investigation Team regains form and when it is finally gone, a beautiful pastoral scene greets them.
They all gasp and Rise blurts out, “Wow, Senpai! Someone really loves you!”
Yu smiles softly. “Someone loved me more like. Let’s get going.”
They leave and when Yu sits on the train and leaves the only people who would forgive the sudden bouts of rage that even her old husband couldn’t endure, she cries and she understands.
Basically, this is a fem!Narukami fic where Izanagi is the villain of the series and he behaves in the odd way he does to try to make up for his betrayal of Izanami in lore. Narukami/Izanami isn’t particularly interested though because she’s moved on and has decided to be human to the best of her ability even if it means denying the supernatural aspects of herself.
This was pretty interesting to write, but as I said, this is thoroughly unpolished. I’d like to explore the idea of being hurt so badly by the one you love that you cannot really love anyone ever again no matter how much you may want to. Yosuke is the best friend Narukami will ever have and she doesn’t know what to do with that.
Izanami!Narukami was tricky to write. To me, Narukami as a man is very cool. Like, he has his dorky moments with his fishing and love of his cousin and cats and whatnot, but overall he has himself well put together and knows what he’s doing. He’s a born leader. However, Izanami is a scorned woman with deep emotional scars. She has a deep rage inside of her but is still basically the “mother” of Japan. I wanted to get across the fact that she can’t help having a gentle mothering nature, but at the same time is on the edge of great anger. I don’t know how well that got across 😐
Theme #04: Phone Conversations (Persona 4 Fanfiction) Theme #05: Walking Through the Graveyard (Original Fiction)